Satire: Barre used car dealership to offer moose

Jan 07, 2024

By Adam Hall

Jul 21 2019July 21, 2019

The Winooski -- Vermont's premiere local satire site -- is founded and edited by Adam Hall.

BARRE – It is not uncommon to see a moose while driving down Vermont's roads and highways, and it is also not uncommon to smash into a moose, causing damage to vehicles and passengers alike. For years residents have been told that the only solution was to avoid hitting a moose, but now there may be a new and better way to deal with the problem.

Poulin Auto Sales, a used car dealership in Barre, has started offering something called "moose-proofing" on all vehicles that they sell. For a fee of $999.99 customers can have their cars or trucks "moose-proofed" against any moose that they might see or run into while driving. The dealership was reluctant to share details of the procedure, which they likened to the recipe for Coke in terms of value and secrecy, but they did compare it to "undercoating" for prevention of salt damage.

"Some places, you wouldn't need the undercoating," said assistant manager Anne Teller, "but in Vermont you’d be nuts not to get it. Same thing with the moose-proofing. If you’re going to be driving mostly in Florida or New Mexico or something, you can probably skip the moose-proofing, but if you’re going to be driving in Vermont, it would be stupid not to get it. Is a little money really worth your life, or the lives of your passengers?"

From what our reporters could discern, moose-proofing appears to be a small metal device attached to the front of the car, similar to the cow-catcher on a train, that says "Moose-Proofing" on it, and employees were seen spraying something that looked like cooking spray onto the metal. Poulin Auto Sales would not confirm nor deny if the substance was in fact cooking spray, but did say that a greased moose is a safe moose.